Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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