someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize