Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
