what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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