Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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