I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
