u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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