Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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