My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
