literally had 100 drinks last night.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
false alarm. still invincible.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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