In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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