i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
