We're facebook friends in real life
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
