The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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