At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
