i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
