Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you would pick up someone in the library
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
