My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I want to have your abortion
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
