There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
