If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
