nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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