where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's blow job season.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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