Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
