4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am never drinking with the goths again.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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