so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always time for handjobs
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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