When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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