I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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