I don't usually arrange sex via text message
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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