dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
