im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
