Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
