Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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