winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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