I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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