Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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