Having a random hookup so left but love u
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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