your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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