saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
