from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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