I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
