my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
