toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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