Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
