I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
