My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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