Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
