I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
