It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
