I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize