so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
