I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
