So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
