But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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