If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
