Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
