This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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