thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
