I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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